Normally one just grows into being a cancer caregiver. As the patient requires more needs and support, the cancer caregiver fills the bill. That’s how it was with me. I didn’t realize I was becoming a cancer caregiver. My wife was diagnosed with lung cancer (non-smoker) and I was there able to assist.
At first, she did not need any assistance. However, I was quick to jump in and assist where I could. However, two and one half years later, my role as a cancer caregiver had grown to a full-time job. Let me try and explain A Day In The Life Of A Cancer Caregiver from from the physical and emotional aspects.
Practical Responsibilities - All of a sudden I was in charge of all household chores - shopping for food, preparing meals, paying bills, interfacing with the insurance company and MD Anderson over charges, cleaning the house, washing clothes and changing the bed linens every day. Since none of them were my responsibilities normally, I had to learn fast.
Social Responsibilities - I became the main contact for family, friends and work. Since we had family and friends all over the world, email became the communications method that I selected to use. I would write an update when major events occurred and email to a list that I maintained. It was great. It got the information out quickly and everyone interested in a timely fashion.
Emotional Responsibilities - The cancer caregiver fights anxiety, depression and stress every day. Communications are hard. Must develop skills in listening and coping. Communications with the outside world are hard - you want to be upbeat but faced with the reality, it is very difficult to keep upbeat. The stress on the cancer caregiver is enormous. These emotions must not be expressed to the patient.
Self Control Responsibilities - The cancer caregiver has to have confidence in their ability to assist the and the needed services to the patient. Even when you are off in a corner, crying your eyes out, and the patient calls for you - instant self control to provide the assistance needed. One has to appreciate how much help you are providing even when you feel that you are not doing enough.
Physical Responsibilities - The cancer caregiver is not allowed to be fatigued. Nor is the cancer caregiver allowed to have an illness of any kind. You must be there physically every day for the patient to provide for their every need.
Spiritual Responsibilities - This is a very tough one in the end. Hope versus uncertainty. The cancer caregiver has to present a strong spiritual image to the patient. Many of the cancer caregivers concerns must be shielded from the patient.
Administrative Responsibilities - The cancer caregiver must be the record keeper. File all of the bills and insurance claims. Keep track of medications and times patient needs to take them. Test, treatment and doctor schedules. Arrange and provide transportation for patient visits. Finding help with day to day activities. Training on procedures to provide special patient treatments required. Research the disease. Find options for treatments.
As you can see from the list above - a cancer caregiver is very busy. Many skills are needed to manage getting through each day. Every day I always asked myself two questions:
How do I know I did everything right?
How do I know if I did enough?
From my own experiences, the days of being a cancer caregiver were tough. However, the days of being an ex-cancer caregiver are much tougher.
